"Qwertial aphasia" will be my new excuse for using the wrong word while typing.

http://www.xkcd.com/604/

"He who sings scares away his woes."
~ Cervantes
===
Go find this song and listen to it. I highly recommend it.
===
"And so once again
My dear Johnny, my dear friend
And so once again you are fighting us all
And when I ask you why
You raise your sticks and cry and I fall
Oh, my friend
How did you come
To trade the fiddle for the drum?

You say I have turned
Like the enemies you've earned
But I can remember
All the good things you are
And so I ask you please
Can I help you find the peace and the star
Oh, my friend
What time is this
To trade the handshake for the fist?

And so once again
Oh, America, my friend
And so once again
You are fighting us all
And when we ask you why
You raise your sticks and cry and we fall
Oh, my friend
How did you come
To trade the fiddle for the drum?

You say we have turned
Like the enemies you've earned
But we can remember
All the good things you are
And so we ask you please
Can we help you find the peace and the star
Oh, my friend
We have all come
To fear the beating of your drum..."
~ A Perfect Circle, "Fiddle and the Drum"

"Disease is somatic; the suffering from it, psychic."
~ Martin H. Fischer
===
I have conjunctivitis. It sucks. :(

I love being a TA, but the need to take my erythromycin may make that a bit difficult.

the plan....easier life....happier life...off the grid...a community of fun...where qulaity of life means having a life to quantify

Edit: That was Otung. He thought he was posting this in my Sticky note program, because he was using my computer while I was in bed, but he was actually using XJournal, my LJ posting client. Also, he'd taken his Ativan PRN last night, more than once, I think. In the words of Eddie Izzard, "Well I didn't know what I was doing, I was off my tits."

"Drink is the curse of the land. It makes you fight with your neighbor. It makes you shoot at your landlord and it makes you miss him."
~ Irish Proverb
===
No offense if you are one, or if your mom/dad/sister/brother/uncle/second-cousin-twice-removed is one. But I really hate landlords.

( In particular, my landlord. )

Wish us luck.

http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/

That is all.

"Every beginning is a consequence--every beginning ends some thing."
~ Paul Valery
===
I've heard more official news on the TA position that I'll be taking. I start around September 2nd or so, since September 3rd is the first day of school. I get to skip ahead to the TA2 level, as opposed to the TA1 level, since... well, I have been working there over two years. The behavior management stuff I know like the back of my hand; it's the classroom stuff that I'll have to learn, but that's no big deal.

Unfortunately there have been a few endings because of this. Yesterday was my last treatment issues group. Treatment issues is a group where two co-leaders (usually a therapist and a staff like myself) meet with a group of students to discuss their treatment: what's hard for them, what they did well, what they need support on, what they're working on. Since it was my last time co-leading that group, and the kids knew it, the other co-leader took the time at the end of group to let the kids say goodbye to me in the context of group (since they'll still see me at school and stuff).

One of them, she's a hard kid, usually. Not hard to work with, just hard with herself. She's one of the "sad = mad" types, a little bit; when she's feeling sad, she acts like she's mad most of the time, because sad is "weak" and she doesn't know how to express it. She told me that she really appreciated me being there in treatment issues for her since she's started, that the group has been through a lot of change and a lot of people coming in and leaving but that I've always been there as a stabilizing factor. She said that she appreciated the fact that I was always there to listen, and to help her work on various parts of her treatment like her Stage 3 letters and stuff, and that she didn't think she'd be where she was today, so far along in her treatment, if it wasn't for me. She said that if there was ever any kind of list of staff who the kids would spend time with outside of the dorm, if they weren't staff and if the students weren't in treatment, then I would be on that list. And as she said this, she cried a little.

It's really really moving to hear and see something like this. It shows that, even if a kid's spent two hour screaming obscenities at you and throwing things around, that they really do care and they do appreciate what we do. And this was coming from a kid who's worked really hard to get to where she's at (believe me, it wasn't just my being there that got her through the work), and who's really honest with both herself and other people. It was gratifying, rewarding above all else, to hear that coming from her. She wasn't just saying it to be sweet or anything; she meant every word. I was touched.

"They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom."
~ Confucius
===
I got good news the other week. Come September, I'm going to be taking the TA position at work. In other words, I get a completely new job, and I don't have to work with Stressor anymore. I'm really really looking forward to it.

Oh, and we moved into the new building at work, which is a load of stress off my back. Now I don't have to worry about packing stuff, and instead can focus on unpacking...

That's really about the only new news for this week. My brother is going to college next week, so my Dad asked me to go pre-college shopping with him so I could give them advice, then promptly ignored about 95% of the advice that I gave him. Go figure.

"Order is never observed; it is disorder that attracts attention because it is awkward and intrusive."
~ Eliphas Levi
===
My supervisor, the RD, was on vacation this week. So last week, she tells me that I'll be having supervision with someone else. That wasn't a huge problem, I thought at first.

( Guess who she chose? )

So I learned a little bit about how much longevity and dedication really matter.

I also learned about how weird it feels to have a kid be completely fixated on you. There's this one kid whom I shall dub Slowpoke because she likes to take her sweet time. It's not that she has no time management skills, she just chooses not to use them. We've repeatedly seen her move when she wants something. Working with her is a strange combination of easy and difficult; she's super oppositional so it's just set a limit, set a limit, set a limit, but she's also really annoying and after a while you just want to snap at her. With her, you don't get very many, if any at all, of those rewarding moments where there's some give-and-take, or some positive interaction with her that makes you think all the annoying time you spent with her was worth it. Plus, she's one of those kids who "borrows" behaviors. She'll see someone else engaging in a negative behavior, being it breaking the rules or running away or an eating-disorder type behavior, and she'll try it on for size and/or pretend it's been her treatment issue all along. She routinely makes up stuff about herself or her experiences to fit in. It's kind of sad, especially because she's so bad at it, but it's also irritating as well.

And she has suddenly become fixated on me.

Her needs list the other day was as follows:

- Make a plan with staff (followed by my name in parentheses)
- bedtime story from (me)
- have (me) sing her a song at settling time.

Now, I will do check-ins and tuck-ins and bedtime stories and lullabies for my kids. I really will, and I love it, especially the stories. But I only ever do one at a time for any kid, and I have rules about them (like, she needs to be doing what she's supposed to be doing, and she can't just not participate all day then expect a bedtime story), most of which she breaks as a matter of course. Either that or she remembers that she wanted one after her lights-out time (and it is the student's responsibility to let staff know ahead of time). And she's been doing this for a few days in a row now. In addition, her staff monitor is leaving the program, and she wants me to be her new monitor.

I don't know where this is coming from. It's not like I give her more leeway than anyone else; I don't. She can't manipulate me, and I don't let her get away with anything. Some kids will also like you because you don't let them get away with anything, but I don't think that's the case here either. So it's just a little bit weird for me... and not in a good-weird way, either.

"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing."
~ Redd Foxx
===
It was not a fun night last night.

I wound up taking Otung to the ER at three in the morning because he was having some serious issues, the details of which I will not go into in order to respect his privacy. Anytime we have an emergency, the nearest hospital available is the crappy little community one about a mile from where we live. It sucks, a lot. I'm not saying that the doctors and nurses are incompetent, or that they routinely screw up diagnoses. I'm saying that their patient care standards are super low. This is the hospital where, when I went there for abdominal pain and was diagnosed with a UTI, they left me on a gurney for an hour covered with just a sheet before anyone came along and brought me a blanket. I was freezing. And the last time I was there with Otung, well... they kept us waiting for an hour to an hour and a half after they were pretty much done with us. We were waiting on the doctor to get us a prescription; why that took so long, I don't know, because we were the only ones in the ER that night.

Unfortunately, if a super serious thing happened and we'd have to call an ambulance, they'd just take us to the same place because it's closest. It sucks.

Anyway, we're both okay, just more than a bit sleep deprived. They told Otung he had low-grade, beginning signs of pneumonia and gave him a prescription for antibiotics. How can he get pneumonia in the summer, you ask? Well, it's completely possible. I had it when I was five. He's fortunate he gets a pill, and not some nasty tasting thick opaque orange syrup to down three times a day. Lucky bastard. ♥

Today I went to the gym with a friend of mine from work... I'll think of a name for her at some point. We had a great time gossiping about what had happened last night at work (I hadn't been there but she worked the shift). We talked about Stressor and Golden Boy getting a bit of a comeuppance. That was nice to hear... not because I wish Golden Boy ill, but simply because he needs to learn that he isn't the cream of the crop. A bit of humility will do him good. And we talked about swearing and its many uses in language today. :D

And now I'm sitting around the house doing... well, not much of anything. Today is my day for me, and that's how I'm going to keep it.

"Nobody can tell about this California climate. One minute it's hot and the next minute it's cold, so a person never knows what to hock."
~ Anita Loos
===
Two posts in three days! OMG!

Changing the theme of this thing. I figure it's about time I did. I'll figure out how to tweak it later. If LJ isn't blocked at work, I'll play around with it on my break on Sunday.

The way work has been going, I'm contemplating calling out Monday because I'll be 'sick'.

That is all!

"Stress is the trash of modern life--we all generate it but if you don't dispose of it properly, it will pile up and overtake your life."
~ Danzae Pace
===
It's been a while. I suppose it's time for me to resurrect this thing. Not too many read it, but it's the only way I have of keeping in touch with people. Consider this my way of reaching out and saying hi.

I've been listening to this song on repeat for 20 minutes or so. I remember when the original came out and I didn't think much at the time. The acoustic cover really makes you listen to the lyrics, and when you do that you realize that the song is actually quite a bit sadder than it appears to be.

Work has been... well, to put it mildly, it's exceeded my expectations regarding stress levels. The funny thing is, it's not the kids.

( It's never the kids. )

So I'm thinking of quitting my job, but what with one thing and another, I can't. It's gonna be hard to leave, anyway; I love most of the kids. They can be really really sweet sometimes.

Anyway, that's most of what's been going on. It's been so much stress that on my days off I don't have the energy to do much of anything at all. My house is a mess, I have piles of laundry that need doing, and I just don't feel like getting up. I haven't been to the gym in at least a month, and I can't remember the last time I either ate something that wasn't take-out or delivery, or cooked something that wasn't ramen/microwave food. It kind of sucks.

It's amazing how a thing as small as your job can become so huge it affects everything else in your life.

I'll leave it here for now, though. I'm going to go watch the ferrets goof off in my room for a while. After that, it's off to Karazhan. If you don't know where Karazhan is, well... don't sweat it.

"The man who doesn't relax and hoot a few hoots volunterily, now and then, is in great danger of hooting hoots and standing on his head for the edification of the pathologist and trained nurse, a little later on."
~ Elbert Hubbard
===
I need a place to vent, and Otung's not here.

This past month has sucked a lot. We've been plagued by financial issues. Work has been a pain in the arse, what with me running shifts and floors and not getting the time off the floor to get what I need done. Plus, some of the girls have been right brats lately. In-game, there's some stuff going on in the guild that doesn't always make me happy... new requirements, and the like. (Though those I can deal with.) I feel really stressed out, a constant pressure that sits in the back of my mind and won't let up. And several major relationships among those around me have somehow dissolved, or are starting to get shaky, which in turn rocks my world. I won't mention the names of the first, because they know who they are and I don't want to put their business out there; they're both pretty private people. The others would be the Bair family... I hope they find the strength to work through things.

A few good things have come out of this. One, my relationship with Otung has remained super strong. He's always there for me when I really need his support, and vice versa. He understands that certain things are important to me, and so doesn't treat those lightly. ♥

Two, congratulations to my guildmates Ithaqua and Sashar on their four-year anniversary. I wish you both the best in the coming years. :)

Three, the ferrets are all still here and in good health. Mimbla's getting kinda skinny, which worries me, but I think it's because Paszczak and Ryjek are hogging all the food. I've started putting a portion of her food in her favorite hammock (she's the only one who sleeps there most of the time), and she's starting to look better. Fat ferret is still being fat... typical Paszczak. :) And Ryjek likes lots of things. He came home with us on Thanksgiving and met my Mom... he likes their house, though he hasn't got the hang of stairs yet and thankfully hasn't learned potted plants. This weekend he was introduced to the concept of RC cars, and he want absolutely nuts. See the results.

I hope things get better. I really do.

"Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that."
~ Michael Leunig
===
"Without you, the ground thaws
The rain falls, the grass grows
Without you, the seeds root
The flowers bloom, the children play

The stars gleam, the poets dream
The eagles fly without you
The earth turns, the sun burns
But I die without you

Without you, the breeze warms
The girl smiles, the cloud moves
Without you, the tides change
The boys run, the oceans crash

The crowds roar, the days soar
The babies cry without you
The moon glows, the river flows
But I die without you

The world revives, colors renew
But I know blue, only blue
Lonely blue, within me, blue
Without you

Without you, the hand gropes
The ear hears, the pulse beats
Without you, the eyes gaze
The legs walk, the lungs breathe

The mind churns, the heart yearns
The tears dry without you
Life goes on, but I'm gone
'Cause I die without you..."
~ Rent, "Without You"

"Life is the sum of all your choices."
~ Albert Camus
===
I keep swearing to myself that I'm going to get back to writing in this thing, and it keeps not happening. If anyone can figure out why that is, please let me know.

( My life lately... cut for length. )

So yes... that's everything in a nutshell. And I am happy... very very happy. :)

"Without music life would be a mistake."
~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
===
"Where are we?
What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just begun to fall
Crop circles in the carpet
Sinking feeling

Spin me 'round again
And rub my eyes
This can't be happening
When busy streets a mess with people
Would stop to hold their heads heavy

Hide and seek
Trains and sewing machines
All those years
They were here first

Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before
The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity
Of this still life

Hide and seek
Trains and sewing machines
(Oh you won't catch me around here)
Blood and tears
They were here first

Mm what d'ya say?
That you only meant well, well, of course you did
Mm what d'ya say?
This, it's all for the best, of course it is
Mm what d'ya say?
That it's just what we need, you decided this
Mm what d'ya say?
What did you say?

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
Mid-sweet talk newspaper word cut-outs
Speak no feeling, no, I don't believe you
You don't care a bit, you don't care a bit..."

"To get something done a committee should consist of no more than three people, two of whom are absent."
~ Robert Copeland
===
Woo! Well, I made it a year. Yup, that's right. I've been working at my job for one year as of yesterday. A whole bunch of people from my orientation have made it. And you know, for a while at my dorm there was a question of whether I'd be sticking around or not. Now they know me better... can't get rid of me, suckers!

I also got promoted. My full title is ARS1 (Assistant Residential Supervisor rank 1), and I'm training to run shifts. I got a taste of it on Monday when the shift supervisor called out and I had to set up the schedule and run preshift. Our RD was in the building, so she technically ran shift, but for a long time she was working with a student who was screaming her head off in the timeout space, so I wound up managing a lot of transitions and staffing within our program. It was kinda neat.

So those are the good days. I just wish that people would communicate. So much goes on, and nobody tells me, and that makes for some crappy moments.

( Communication rant! )

Whoa, did I just rant? Heh, been a long time, hasn't it? :)